I am struggling! I really am! The house too small, the money too short and the work around the family a bit too much at the moment. It has been a while now. From the moment I wake up in the morning I’m hit by a tsunami of busy-ness which carries me all the way back to my bed at the end of a long day.
‘I never said it was going to be easy’ Jesus’s words resound into my head… and that picture, yes that picture which I never really liked much keeps on reappearing in my mind with that writing clearly saying ‘Jesus, I trust in you’.
I am struggling, I truly am! I feel like I am drowning as the washing piles up and the cupboards are never big enough.
‘I never said it was going to be easy’ He says .. and that picture comes back and accompanies me once again.
As the day passes patience easily lost! ‘I can’t do this Lord!… this is too hard, I can’t carry this on my own… Please help me, I know you are here, but I can’t see you right now… Don’t allow me to walk away from you!’ … My lips, without even realising, say ‘Jesus, I trust in you.’
‘Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me’…
I am rearranging the rooms over and over again and although I keep on throwing stuff away to create more space… my effort is in vain! THIS IS TOO TIRING… I didn’t sign up for this… I wanted an easier ride.
I had it all planned… We would never be rich, but God would have certainly provided a bigger house as the family would grow. So here I am stamping my feet because God is not doing my will, acting like a spoilt brat, crying because she can’t have what she wants!
The more I try to rebel against Him, the more my sinful nature appears and the more I am attracted to that very Divine picture where Christ is pouring out that infinite MERCY. I need to fulfill God’s plan.
‘Jesus I trust in you’ I can’t see it now, I can’t see the bigger plan you have for me but to trust you will take me out of my stupidity and will be enough for me. I trust you will bring light to this path that at the moment seems very unclear.
I don’t need a spacious house to be happy, I need to make space for the Lord of my life… and I have been so extremely busy and worried about the lack of extra room that I have completely ignored the core of the problem… God keeps on being pushed aside and I create no room for Him!
As that image of Christ becomes more vivid in my memory, peace is restored, the heart filled with inexplicable joy and the soul ready to fight another daily fight.
Jesus, I trust in you.